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Precious Life

hands-holding-newborn-baby-feet“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Sixteen years ago, I was anxiously waiting the moment of going to the hospital to be induced for labor. I was very nervous about what to expect and I prayed throughout my pregnancy for a healthy baby. All of my prenatal appointments went well for the most part. I was screened early on for my sugar and was told to watch it because the sugar levels weren’t the best. So, I stopped eating my usual honeybun for breakfast before work and started watching what I ate. The last month of pregnancy is the hardest when you are a first time mom. I questioned every small pain or twitch, wondering if I needed to rush to the hospital or not. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and because of it, I ignored any small amounts of pain. However, a few weeks before I was induced, I was having a lot of pressure. I thought it was time for me to go into labor. I called my husband in a panic and then my mom and mother in law to quiz them to see if I should go to the hospital. My husband came home and went onto the hospital. Once we got there, they checked me and said I was fine and that it wasn’t time. I was upset and didn’t want to go home because I knew how I felt and I was overly anxious. When I got home, I took a warm bath, cried, and prayed.
The day arrived for me to be induced. I expected everything to run smoothly and figured I’d be a mother before the end of the day. Instead, I was dilating slowly and my blood pressure was going up. Next, the medical team informed me that my platelet count was low and that I would not be able to receive an epidural. I wasn’t hurting too bad yet, so I thought, “Eh. It’s ok, I’m tough and can handle it.” My husband, mom and mother-in-law were in the room with me that evening waiting for my son to arrive. I was nervous and I know they were anxious and probably nervous as well. Meanwhile, there was a waiting room full of family and friends waiting for the baby to arrive. But, that day was not the day that my son would be born and the closer it got to midnight, the thinner the audience was in the waiting room. I honestly can’t remember much after midnight because the pressure was starting to mount and contractions were becoming stronger. The pain was kicking in. I kept thinking to myself, “any minute”….but every time the nurses checked they would shake their head no and leave the room. The rest of the evening is a fog in my memory. I remember asking for something for the pain, they gave me Demerol. It’s the only thing they could give me for my condition. I remember around seven o’clock in the morning that I was pushing and trying to have my son. There was a lot of concern during that time. I learned afterwards that they were close to doing an emergency C-section on me, but at 7:38 a.m. April 25, he arrived. I remember hearing his cry and then I crashed. I fell asleep.
I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome. I had never heard of it before. It’s a severe stage of preeclampsia. When my son was born, the doctor noticed the placenta wasn’t attached to him. I was told a lot of things medical wise that I didn’t understand. Both my son and I had to stay several days to make sure we were alright. I was told that I would probably need a bone marrow transfusion. I didn’t want that to happen, I prayed and others at my church prayed. My blood count went up in a few days and I didn’t have to have that transfusion. I was told by my doctor that I was very lucky. They were worried that they were going to lose me, the baby or both of us. But, God had different plans. I know God’s hand was on me and my son the whole time.
Now, my son is about to turn sixteen. He’s almost an adult and this year because he’s approaching adulthood, I’m keenly reminded of the miracle of his life. I’ve been asking him lately what his goals are. I don’t really want him to grow up, but you can’t stop that. Right now, he’s unsure about what he wants to do. I pray that he will understand that God has him here on this Earth for a reason; He has a plan for His life. I pray that he seeks God first on all things concerning his life.

 

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Balancing Act

I’ve been reflecting on this thought for a week or so.  I used to be pretty bad about putting all my thoughts and energies on one thing or person.  I don’t know if it’s age or experience that has taught me that it’s best not to do that.  When I was first married, everything I did was for my husband.  I was constantly trying to create the perfect marriage, relationship, and be the best wife.  The downside to that was that anytime he was late coming home or had other things he had to do, I felt alone and disappointed.  My identity was wrapped up in our marriage.  So without him, I felt like I was nothing.  I did the same thing when my son was born.  I strived to be the best mother.  I wanted to be available to him at all times.  After doing this for years, I suddenly felt disconnected from anyone who wasn’t a parent. I’ve consistently moved from different people or things to focus all my energy on until the past few years.  I feel that I balance my life pretty well now, I have time with God, my husband, my son, myself, and with others.  It is so easy to become completely consumed by your job, a ministry, a hobby, or a person.  But, it isn’t wise because if that something or someone disappears, then you feel devastated.  God has taught me so much within these last five years, I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m listening more or just experiences have led me to notice things differently.  Either way, I’ve learned that life is more full when all your eggs aren’t in one basket.

 
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Posted by on June 14, 2013 in Writing

 

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That’s Not Your Seat

My grandfather used to have a tag on his car that said, “God is my co-pilot.”  I thought it was a cute saying.  Last night that phrase came to my mind and I started thinking that it’s not really that good of a thought.  I will admit that I am a control freak.  I do not like it when things don’t go as I had planned or something unexpected happens.  I know it’s not a good characteristic but some things are just to obvious to deny.  So, because I’m a control freak, I know that I often put God in the co-pilot seat.  I want to drive, I want to know where I’m going.  God can come along for the ride, He can be there if I get in a jam to help me out…..if I listen to Him.   The truth is God wants to be my pilot and your pilot.  Maybe He wants to take the scenic route, when I want to hurry and get to my destination. Maybe He is taking another route because He is all knowing and prevents me from getting hurt.  Maybe He wants someone else to ride along that I may not particularly want around.  He could even want to take me on a shortcut and I’m going the long way, because I am used to that way.  Whatever the case may be, I need to let God be in control instead of me. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope. (NLV)

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2013 in Spiritual Reflections

 

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