Prepare a Table

Today while I was preparing dinner for my family, I started thinking about one of the most known scriptures in the Bible, Psalm 23, specifically verse 5, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.”  I started thinking about what I like about cooking.  I like creating something for my family to enjoy.  I like to bring my family together for a nurturing meal and time of conversation.  So, I begin to think about God preparing a table for me.  I imagine Him deciding on what to fix, dicing up vegetables and searing meat to the right tenderness to where the juices drip to the best flavor and provide the most satisfaction with each bite.  As someone who enjoys cooking, the goal is that those eating the food will enjoy it to the fullest.  I imagine God is anticipating my enjoyment from what He has prepared for me.  He longs to sit down with me and hear about my day.  He wants to converse with me, He wants me to tell Him about the ups and downs of my day.  He prepares a table before me, in the presence of my enemies….He wants me to feel safe and secure enough to sit down with Him and enjoy what He has made for me.  Things may be chaotic around me, I may feel attacked from all sides, I may be unsure of whether I can deal with whatever problems are before me, yet God is preparing for me.  He’s looking out for me because I am His family.  He is waiting for me to sit down with Him, to know that He is bigger than any enemy in my presence.  The funny thing is I’m often the enemy.  I’m the enemy of myself with thinking I can take care of things on my own.  I need to handle whatever is going on and be independent.  But, the truth is that God knows what is best for me and He’s handling it.  He wants me to sit down and let Him take care of everything, enjoy His presence and know that afterwards, He will clean up the mess if I just let Him do it. 

 

Empty Nest Ramblings

“To raise a child, who is comfortable enough to leave you, means you’ve done your job. They are not ours to keep, but to teach how to soar on their own.”

-unknown

When I first saw my son, I had almost lost him or he almost lost me, it was a toss-up according to the medical professionals.  My normal pregnancy turned into a problematic delivery.  But thankfully, we both pulled through and I was blessed to enjoy the ups and downs of motherhood. I wanted to pour everything I could into him while he was in my care.  I was blessed to be able to stay home with him until he was in first or second grade.  I loved reading to him and playing in the floor with him.  We would have toys strung all across the house and dive into our imaginations with whatever we were playing with.  On summer days, we would go outside and I would try to get him interested in football or other sports, but that was never his thing.  So, instead we would search for bugs, have picnics in the backyard and play in the sandbox or come inside and watch movies. I was thankful that when he started kindergarten that a family moved in beside us with kids for him to play with, especially since he is an only child.   I loved hearing the kids outside playing, laughing and sometimes disagreeing.  All these experiences are pretty normal, I would think with most mothers.

There was one routine that I am really glad we did as a family when my son was little all the way up to the early part of middle school, when he was too big for it and told me so.  The routine was our bedtime prayers and then I would sing to him, “You are My Sunshine,” he would sing alongside me and thinking of those moments, I can’t help but smile. 

Why am I going down this winding road down memory lane?  It’s because I am struggling with my adult son being away on the other side of the country, finishing up his last semester in college.  I didn’t think that having an empty nest would be that much of a difference.  I was wrong; I mean I’m not bawling big fat tears and filled with grief.  Life is just different.  The house is solemn without his laughter echoing through the rooms.  If he wasn’t talking loudly in the next room on the computer with his friends, he would have a few friends here in our living room watching movies, playing video games and just hanging out.  We let him have full reign of the house because I knew it wouldn’t last much longer. 

While he is away, I feel as if I’ve lost him.  But really, I haven’t.  We chat every day, even if it’s just to ask how his day is going.  I look forward to his phone calls once a week, just so I can hear his voice.  The truth is, I have lost the boy he was and I am now witnessing the man he is becoming.  I think back and am grateful for all the time I got to spend with him growing up.  I am thankful that his Dad and I spent time talking with him about any and everything.  I am thankful that we explored a lot of places with him in tow.  I am thankful that we ate lots of meals together at the table.  I am thankful that he never complained about going to church every Sunday and he was one of my biggest supporters when I lead youth group.  I am thankful that he gets to experience what he is right now in his last semester in California.  I am thankful that he treats his girlfriend, now fiancé with complete respect and love.  I am thankful that I didn’t lose him in the beginning and that he didn’t lose me, because he enriched my life with one of the greatest gifts a woman can have, Motherhood. 

 

To My Fellow Business Owners

As a business owner, my heart goes out to fellow business owners during this uncertain time that we are living in.  We are having to make hard decisions and are grasping for whatever income we can acquire to make ends meet and stay afloat.  I know that the stigma placed on us as business owners is that we are greedy, uncaring and selfish.  However, the truth is that the majority of small business owners are some of the most caring and giving people that you will meet.  We all have had moments in our businesses where we are unsure where payroll and taxes are going to come from, and whether or not we will be able to pay ourselves.  The background scenes that most people don’t see is the worry, concern and attempts employers try to make to keep their employees paid and have hours available to work.  This virus has impacted our country more than anything I’ve ever seen in my life, within a weeks’ time.  However, as uncertain as these times are, it makes you step back and evaluate the value of things.  I’ve thought a lot this week about the people in my life and how they are being affected by this.  The value of others has increased, the idea of being quarantined and separated from others is frustrating.  The idea of being separated from customers and employees is aggravating.  When you work with a group of people for a long time, they become family and every business has at least a few loyal customers that you have gained a good relationship with.

Another thing that I value personally, is the word of God.  I’ve prayed a lot this week.  I’m ashamed to admit, more than I have in the past month.  But, I’m a reader by nature and as much as I talk to God, it’s often the moment that I read my Bible that I feel peace.  I feel the opposite when I read all the information that is bombarding us over the virus.  I understand that it is important to be informed, but I also know that it’s important to know who is ultimately in control.  My faith in God keeps me stable.  Will I have moments that fear will creep upon me?  Yes, I have had those moments a lot.  But, the answer to putting the fear at bay is me reading the Bible and seeing what God has to say about it.  It helps me to see what others have endured and come through with His hand in their life.  I hope and pray that this doesn’t last long, but I know I have to trust that God’s going to keep me and take care of me and those around me.  It may not be how I want it to look like, but His love for His children is great.

So, to wrap up my thoughts, my prayer for us entrepreneurs and business owners to go to God for everything that we are feeling and dealing with.  I pray that God will keep us during this time of uncertainty.  I pray that God will increase in us creativity and ideas that will innovate our businesses.  I pray that we will pray for each other more.  I pray that we will support one another and communicate more with one another about our needs and concerns.  We tend to try to fix things ourselves, but I think we need to be open and realize that others in business are feeling the same thing, encouragement is support.  I pray that God will help us to rebuild stronger foundations and relationships with those we come in contact with through our businesses, whether it’s employees, vendors, customers, and other local businesses.  I pray we will overcome this craziness.  Be well, my friends.  Put your hope and faith in God.

 

Where Your Words Go

I get so tired of hearing people complain about our area.  It amazes me how quickly people can tear down hope and promise around them. There’s always a critic ready to spew negativity.  Anyway, I wrote a poem that contrasts the critic and the cultivator.

 

The critic curses the land,

Damning it to an eternal doom.

Never, hopeless and unlikely

Drip from his tongue

Poisoning the streets with toxic waste.

Grim eyes see only melancholy tones

Famine, drugs and death lie at his feet.

 

The cultivator breaks open the earth,

Feeding it with life giving seed.

Certainty, hope and promise

Are planted with his hands

Tenderness sifts the grounds.

Bright eyes see a plethora of harvest

Abundance, fruitfulness and life expand around him.

 

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21  Words can tear down or they can build up.  Is your vocabulary filled with life or death? How many dreams have you crushed or ignited? Let’s pour waters of hope onto a land that looks parched.  Let’s drown out the negativity by showering blessings onto the land.  Breathe life, nurture the downtrodden until they thrive.  We have to bless our land, it’s been cursed long enough.

 

From the Mouths of Babes

This week is a celebration of life’s greatest nurturers.  Nurses, teachers and mothers are given days of recognition for their huge contribution to society.  When I think of these professions, I immediately think of children and how much time and care is poured into their lives.   Nurses, of course care for all age groups, but looking at their profession, the way they nurture children is through physical care and health.  Teachers nurture children through educational growth and being mentors to them.  Mothers nurture children in all aspects of life through physicals, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs.  But, my thoughts this week primarily go straight to the child.  I’m a mother, my son just turned eighteen.  He’s entering adulthood, but he will always be my child. Motherhood is one of the greatest and most important roles that I have.  It’s a hard job, emotionally and physically draining at times. However, children are a gift that cannot be measured or taken lightly.   I have grown close to many kids throughout my life, those who are in my family, those who were my sidekicks before I was a mother, and those who I’ve taught or worked alongside of through the years.  Each of them has given me something to learn about life and has a huge place in my heart.

Children can teach adults as much as adults can teach kids.  I really love kids because they are so transparent and speak directly from the heart and with considerable bluntness.  Even the mischievous ones can’t help but tell on themselves, without meaning to.  As much as we pour into their lives, they reciprocate just as much into ours.  I met a kid last week who was visiting my next door neighbor.  I went outside to take out the trash, when the little girl approached me.  In my neighborhood, the houses are super close, so we often share visitors without set boundaries.  Anyway, she greeted me and asked me my name.  I told her and she replied with her name.  Her name was really similar to mine.  She proceeded to tell me about her parents being split up and in each of them in other relationships, among other little details.  The funny thing with kids is that they can immediately spill their life history in less than five minutes, if they feel the need to do so.  Anyway, when I came back into the house after our conversation, I started thinking about how she trusted me enough to unload on me and how easily she let me be a sounding board.  This instance, made me think of Jesus and how he said in the Bible to come to him as a child.  He continues to say; whoever humbles himself like a child is greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.

How often in our adult life do we casually go up to God and just unload on Him?  How often do we treat Him as the friend He really is? How easily do we trust Him?  How quickly do we confess the things that bother us or admit our shortcomings?  Anyone who has been around kids for just a little while will quickly hear at least one or two innocent confessions, even it’s in a roundabout way.

So, this week as we celebrate teachers, nurses, and mothers, let us recognize as well how much life children give to us.  Listen to them and feed back into them with rich nutrients of life that will help them grow in every dimension of their being.  Help them to know that they are valuable and are loved.  And remember how much you can learn from them.

Children grow up fast, enjoy every moment with them.

“Bring up a child by teaching him the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn away from it.”  Proverbs 22:6

When I think of kids, I always think of this literary piece as well.  It’s one of my favorite readings. I had to include it in this blog.

On Children – Kahlil Gibran

 And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.

     And he said:

     Your children are not your children.

     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

     They come through you but not from you,

     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

 

     You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

     For they have their own thoughts.

     You may house their bodies but not their souls,

     For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

     You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

     For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

     You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

     The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

     Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

     For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

Hope in the Harbor

My husband and I love to visit areas where ships clutter coastlines and the waters disappear into the horizon.  I am drawn to water, no matter the depth or type of coastline it is.  I love rivers, oceans, lakes, ponds, and creeks.  I’m the type of person that can’t just look at a body of water and enjoy the scenery.  I have to dip at least a toe or finger in it, even if it’s freezing cold.  But, if it’s warm or the chill isn’t unbearable, I have plunge into the water, even if I’m not properly clothed for it.  I’ve always been this way, my parents can attest to it from stories of me as a toddler, escaping their attention and jumping into a pool of water, clothes and all.   With that said, my husband loves ships, boats, and lighthouses.  He prefers to float on the water in a vessel or at least admire it from the shore.

I wonder if I’m just anxious for a vacation or if God’s trying to show me something today.  I think it’s a little of both.   This morning, I was praying and not really going anywhere with it.  I have so much on my mind right now and a lot of emotions and thoughts swirling around my head, so this blog post could cause a little seasickness to the reader.  Disclaimers are necessary in the world today!  Anyway, I was loading laundry into the washer, when I just felt like God spoke one word to me, that word was harbor.  I felt like he wanted me to explore that word, so I did.  It lead me to first look up the definition of the word, although I know the definition, but investigating it and chewing on it often leads to other thoughts.  There is a noun definition and a verb definition.  The noun definition is a place on the coast where vessels may find shelter, especially one protected from rough water by piers, jetties, and other artificial structures.  It is also a place to seek refuge.  So, thinking of harbors, I immediately think of mine and my husband’s love for them.  But, being a believer, I also think of God and Him being the place that I find shelter during the storms.  He is my refuge in all the emotional thoughts and feelings that I am having at this moment.  I think of sailors who are at sea and a storm comes upon them, they have to act quickly, but their thoughts are immediately on seeking out the horizon, trying to locate a place to dock their vessel, searching for safety.  The depths of the seas surround them; waves crash over the boats, the storms probably feel like they aren’t ever going to end.  I wonder how hopeless they feel when they see the strength of the ocean and understand they aren’t in control.  Then, how do they feel when they spot land, a lighthouse, a harbor with hope inviting them in?  I’m sure they feel relieved, glad, and thankful.  I think of myself and certain times in my life when I’m trying to ride the storms out without seeking direction or looking for refuge.  When I do that, I may feel in control for a little while, but then the severity of the storm hits me and I get scared and realize that I need a refuge, a savior, a harbor on the horizon.  With all that being said, I feel like God is just saying that I need to dock my vessel.  I need to tie up to His dock, rest, refuel, and await instructions for the next step.

However, there is also a verb definition for the word, harbor, in two forms as well.  The first is to keep (a thought or feeling, typically a negative one) in one’s mind, especially secretly or to have in mind a thought or feeling, usually over a long period of time.  With this definition, I start thinking, what am I harboring in my mind?  What bad thoughts are keeping me weighed down?  Is this why I feel like I’m drowning sometimes?   Is it worry, anger, doubt, self-pity, aggravation, or maybe a molotav cocktail of them all? Whatever it is, I know it’s not healthy for my soul.  The other verb definition is to protect someone by providing a place to hide.  This points to God again; he protects me and gives me a place to hide.  The scripture that I immediately think of when I think of this definition is Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”   In this, I know I have to give all my thoughts, feelings, and hurts that I’m harboring to God.  He will cover them and I’ll find refuge there.

The next passage that I was led to was Psalm 107.  I love this and have highlighted the theme of this blog today, but the whole passage is spiritually filling, I hope that it feeds you as well.

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!

    His faithful love endures forever.

2 Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!

    Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies.

3 For he has gathered the exiles from many lands,

    from east and west,

    from north and south.[a]

4 Some wandered in the wilderness,

    lost and homeless.

5 Hungry and thirsty,

    they nearly died.

6 “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,

    and he rescued them from their distress.

7 He led them straight to safety,

    to a city where they could live.

8 Let them praise the Lord for his great love

    and for the wonderful things he has done for them.

9 For he satisfies the thirsty

    and fills the hungry with good things.

 

10 Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom,

    imprisoned in iron chains of misery.

11 They rebelled against the words of God,

    scorning the counsel of the Most High.

12 That is why he broke them with hard labor;

    they fell, and no one was there to help them.

13 “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,

    and he saved them from their distress.

14 He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom;

    he snapped their chains.

15 Let them praise the Lord for his great love

    and for the wonderful things he has done for them.

16 For he broke down their prison gates of bronze;

    he cut apart their bars of iron.

 

17 Some were fools; they rebelled

    and suffered for their sins.

18 They couldn’t stand the thought of food,

    and they were knocking on death’s door.

19 “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,

    and he saved them from their distress.

20 He sent out his word and healed them,

    snatching them from the door of death.

21 Let them praise the Lord for his great love

    and for the wonderful things he has done for them.

22 Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving

    and sing joyfully about his glorious acts.

 

23 Some went off to sea in ships,

    plying the trade routes of the world.

24 They, too, observed the Lord’s power in action,

    his impressive works on the deepest seas.

25 He spoke, and the winds rose,

    stirring up the waves.

26 Their ships were tossed to the heavens

    and plunged again to the depths;

    the sailors cringed in terror.

27 They reeled and staggered like drunkards

    and were at their wits’ end.

28 “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,

    and he saved them from their distress.

29 He calmed the storm to a whisper

    and stilled the waves.

30 What a blessing was that stillness

    as he brought them safely into harbor!

31 Let them praise the Lord for his great love

    and for the wonderful things he has done for them.

32 Let them exalt him publicly before the congregation

    and before the leaders of the nation.

 

33 He changes rivers into deserts,

    and springs of water into dry, thirsty land.

34 He turns the fruitful land into salty wastelands,

    because of the wickedness of those who live there.

35 But he also turns deserts into pools of water,

    the dry land into springs of water.

36 He brings the hungry to settle there

    and to build their cities.

37 They sow their fields, plant their vineyards,

    and harvest their bumper crops.

38 How he blesses them!

    They raise large families there,

    and their herds of livestock increase.

 

39 When they decrease in number and become impoverished

    through oppression, trouble, and sorrow,

40 the Lord pours contempt on their princes,

    causing them to wander in trackless wastelands.

41 But he rescues the poor from trouble

    and increases their families like flocks of sheep.

42 The godly will see these things and be glad,

    while the wicked are struck silent.

43 Those who are wise will take all this to heart;

    they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord.

 

Who deserves to live?

If unborn lives matter, than how can you disregard people who are living?  I ask this question because I hear people say they are against abortion but are quick to damn people to death who commit heinous crimes.  Would Jesus equate one human life above another?  Is there only hope for some and no hope for others?  Does evil lurk so deep in some that there isn’t even a slight glimmer of hope?  If abortion was illegal, would all of those lives lead godly lives if they were born?  I personally am against abortion, but I’m also against the death penalty. I believe that all life has potential for good or evil.  Wasn’t Paul a murderer before he met Christ?  What changed him?  Christ.

 

 

Matthew 5

 

Awaken the Gray

Fuzzy logic,

Blurred truth,

Unclear lines,

Indistinct certainties,

Overcast thinking,

Crowded acceptances,

Confused, there is no black or white.

Our world is gray.

Blocking vision

No right or wrong

Anything goes

While empty souls roam around

Knowing only the gray.

Thick gray fog covering…

Hovering…

Puddling….

My heart is heavy

Watching color fade away

I slowly dip my brush in paint.

Tears of blue drip onto the canvas

Drip….

Drip…..

Drip….

Streaming down, making pools of water.

The water swirls….

Searching….

Seeking….

Looking past gray skies.

Seeing yellow…

Blinding…

Bright….

Warmth….

Energizing, renewing, igniting inner beings that were asleep.

Transforming into orange…

Realizing, conception, created for

Such a time….

Tick…Tock…Tick…tock…

Moving hands, awaking the gray…Alarms sound!!

Flowers bloom, plants open up and feed off the sustenance that makes life thrive.

Bursting forth….

Opening up…

Red explodes, covering its surroundings.

Can’t help but feel the heartbeat beating…

Thump….thump…thump…

See the passion, His loving eyes reach out erasing the nothingness around.

Covering….

Suturing….

Removing the gauze

BOOM ….

BOOM….

BOOM….

Victory marches in with vibrant robes

Authority…

Kingship….

Worthy….

The Crown awaits.

 

 

 

 

 

Leftover Thoughts after Vacation

Genesis

When I explore new places, I see so much beauty in the Earth that God created.  When I am still and submerge myself in these natural surroundings, I cannot help but be in awe of the subtle differences in landscapes and waterways.  I have always found peace in quieting myself and wondering about our creative Father ever since I was a child and ventured into the woods or the farm I lived by.  This world is beautiful underneath all the ugliness that man has created by his own fleshly nature.  My quiet place is anywhere that I can be still and notice the clear brooks, green hills, or feel the soil between my toes…..soil.  Just thinking of that alone, the gritty odor of soil and the way that it shifts and molds under my feet, whether it’s sand, clay, or peat.   The feeling of coolness from shaded soil or the hot sand that you quickly walk on that is exposed by the blazing sun.  How God took something filthy and created humans to have relationships with.  Yes, by our very nature we are dirty, yet God sees each of us sprouting, growing, and blooming to the potential He created us with individually.  Distinctive differences on numerous levels, each with different markings, characteristics and traits, yet similar enough to know that our origin is dirt.  Only God can take something so grimy and shape it into something pleasing and necessary to its environment.

Revelation

When I sit on the ground, whether it’s a mountaintop overlooking a valley or on a beach with my feet in the sand, I want to remain there forever.  My soul is quiet and I feel God’s presence around me.  Remain….that’s a word that I don’t think of often, but to remain means several things, look it up in the dictionary and think about each meaning. Synonyms of remain are abide, stay, wait, tarry, rest, or endure.  That word also makes me think of this scripture “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” John 15:4.  My filthy self, needs to remain in Christ if I want to be productive and fruitful….if I want to live to the fullest potential of what I was created for.  I can’t do that on my own, severed from Christ.  I’ve tried before and it doesn’t work, I wither and become dry dust without Christ. Ashes to ashes, we all fall down.    

I wonder, as I view turquoise skies, emerald seas, and chocolate mountains, how much greater the eternal kingdom will be with a remaining known presence of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  I used to be scared of thinking about life outside of this world, but when you remain in Him, it’s a paradise we cannot truly fathom.  It has to be a stillness we’ve never even come close to feeling even on our highest moments on Earth.  A place where time doesn’t matter, harmonies float in the air like the wind, and worries are non-existent.  Paradise….if I remember the vine and stay attached to it.

 

Dear So and so,

Dear so and so.  I have so many things I’d like to say to you, but don’t know how to say them.  I don’t want to say the wrong words and upset you.  Yet, I don’t know what the right words are to say.  I guess for one thing, I can tell you…..

Backspace, backspace, backspace…..delete.

****Refresh****

Hey! How’s it going? I just want to let you know that I have something heavy on my heart that I want to share with you.  Remember that time……

Sigh, crumble….toss

Life is hard and I make stupid mistakes.  I speak before I should.  I jump before looking to see if it’s wise to.  I think I have it all figured out and then suddenly realize that I don’t know anything.  Anyway, what I need to say to you is that I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to overstep my bounds or make everything a mess.  I hope you forgive me and see that I’m a just a dumb human.

Hover…..hover…..send

Words are hard to deliver, especially if you don’t know if the recipient is willing to accept them.  How many times do you write a novel to someone and know those are the words that you should not send them?  Sometimes you’ll hear the voice to delete the whole rant and then other times you hit send and then kick yourself for being such a butt.

But sometimes you feel a great need to send someone a message, not to be nasty or nosey, but out of urgency.  Even those can be misunderstood.  I just pray that when that happens, that they will see I’m not against them.  If things are quiet on the other end, I may not really realize what’s going on. I have no control over anyone else; I can’t make them listen to me.  Obedience is hard and sometimes you don’t understand why the Holy Spirit prompts you to say something, especially when things result differently than you expected.  God I did what you asked…..help them to receive what you want them to hear.